Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?

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(212): View more from New York

her vagina looked like bernie madoff

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(516): View more from New York

I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"

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(260): View more from Indiana

ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.

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(509): View more from Washington

As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.

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(586): View more from Michigan

Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.

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(641): View more from Iowa

I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.

(1-641): View more from Iowa

What did he say?

(641): View more from Iowa

He still asked if I want a home security system.

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