last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
