I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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