eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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