Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
