Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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