Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
