My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
