Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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