1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
