i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
