Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
