the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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