According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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