if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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