There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
