I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
