the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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