one might say we're banned from that church
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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