Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
