"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
