our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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