if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
