I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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