Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
