she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
