did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
