Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
