I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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