You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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