He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
