I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
