tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
