It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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