Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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