I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
