mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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