i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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