He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
