Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
