I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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