Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
