I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
