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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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