mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Enjoy the penises
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
