she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
