Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
