it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
zippers are such a cool invention
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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