I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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