I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
