Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
zippers are such a cool invention
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
how does that bad decision feel?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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