it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
