I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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