It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think my vagina is haunted
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
