you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
