THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
