how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
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i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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