So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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