She is in my trunk
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
