I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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