Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
