he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
