We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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