Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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