Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
