You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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