Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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