If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
