Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
