drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
