it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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