Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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