it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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