i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Randomize