just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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