4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
