I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
