Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
